What do I do with my Life?

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I am obsessed lately with death, but I don’t know why. Maybe because I don’t really know what to do with my life. So I pick up the Bible and read Ecclesiastes just to see what it has to say about dying and living. Ecclesiastes is one of those books in the Bible that happens to have a lot to say about these things. This does not mean though that I am a Christian for I have renounced a Bible-based faith a year ago (after 20+ years) and moreover, I am finding Zen Buddhism much more humanistic. There are passages in the Bible though that does not contradict Zen Buddhism and those are the ones I will focus on. Back to Ecclesiastes.

The writer of Ecclesiastes has lived the life of power, success, achievement and abundance, of possessing so much that he’s got the credibility to describe how it is to be there experiencing those circumstances.

⁴ I made great my works, I builded for me houses, I planted for me vineyards. ⁵ I made for me gardens and paradises, and I planted in them trees of every fruit. ⁶ I made for me pools of water, to water from them a forest shooting forth trees. ⁷ I got men-servants, and maid-servants, and sons of the house were to me; also, I had much substance — herd and flock — above all who had been before me in Jerusalem. ⁸ I gathered for me also silver and gold, and the peculiar treasure of kings and of the provinces. I prepared for me men-singers and women-singers, and the luxuries of the sons of man — a wife and wives.

⁹ And I became great, and increased above every one who had been before me in Jerusalem; also, my wisdom stood with me. ¹⁰ And all that mine eyes asked I kept not back from them; I withheld not my heart from any joy, for my heart rejoiced because of all my labour, and this hath been my portion, from all my labour, ¹¹ and I have looked on all my works that my hands have done, and on the labour that I have laboured to do, and lo, the whole [is] vanity and vexation of spirit, and there is no advantage under the sun! (Ecclesiastes 2:4-11)

He said that it is in my destiny to work and die, which is not very surprising at all. Everyone will. This is quite common-sensical, for no person has ever come back from the realm of the dead and came to live with the living again and gave pearls of wisdom about the realm of the dead and its relationship to the realm of the living.

⁹ See life with the wife whom thou hast loved, all the days of the life of thy vanity, that He hath given to thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity, for it [is] thy portion in life, even of thy labour that thou art labouring at under the sun.(Ecclesiastes 9:9)

⁴ For in vanity he came in, and in darkness he goeth, and in darkness his name is covered, ⁵ Even the sun he hath not seen nor known, more rest hath this than that. ⁶ And though he had lived a thousand years twice over, yet good he hath not seen; to the same place doth not every one go? (Ecclesiastes 6:4-6)

And gives warning that life has lots of pain, sorrow and suffering, that all my days will be sorrows, sadness and vexation. And there really is no advantage to the labors man does. I couldn’t agree more as I am finding my works increasingly pointless.

⁸ But, if man liveth many years, In all of them let him rejoice, And remember the days of darkness, For they are many! all that is coming [is] vanity. (Ecclesiastes 11:8)

³ What advantage [is] to man by all his labour that he laboureth at under the sun? ¹⁴ I have seen all the works that have been done under the sun, and lo, the whole [is] vanity and vexation of spirit! (Ecclesiastes 1:3,14)

²² For what hath been to a man by all his labour, and by the thought of his heart that he laboured at under the sun? ²³ For all his days are sorrows, and his travail sadness; even at night his heart hath not lain down; this also [is] vanity. (Ecclesiastes 2:22-23)

That no one knows what awaits me in the future. Even I can’t prognosticate or foretell what will happen in the future.

¹² For who knoweth what [is] good for a man in life, the number of the days of the life of his vanity, and he maketh them as a shadow? for who declareth to man what is after him under the sun? (Ecclesiastes 6:12)

For these reasons, he said that life is vain and working for nothing. He mentioned reasons why life is chasing after the wind and labor a vexation of spirit:

1. All of my labors is for the envy of my neighbour. Of course it also means that I will be driven to labor more if my neighbour has more than me. This is, even if after my death, no one will remember me for my works.

   ⁴ And I have seen all the labour, and all the benefit of the work, because for it a man is the envy of his neighbour. Even this [is] vanity and vexation of spirit. (Ecclesiastes 4:4)

   ⁹ All this I have seen so as to give my heart to every work that hath been done under the sun; a time that man hath ruled over man to his own evil. ¹⁰ And so I have seen the wicked buried, and they went in, even from the Holy Place they go, and they are forgotten in the city whether they had so done. This also [is] vanity. (Ecclesiastes 8:9-10)

2. I will not be satisfied with what I have. Even if I have so much, I will still crave for more. I think once I give in to my weakness of wanting to be ahead of my neighbour, that will be a vicious cycle. And seeing your riches grow is addictive, and there is a feeling of growing empowerment and self-importance. I tend to equate my self-worth and power with my material wealth.

   ¹⁰Whoso is loving silver is not satisfied [with] silver, nor he who is in love with stores [with] increase. Even this [is] vanity. (Ecclesiastes 5:10)

   ⁷ All the labour of man [is] for his mouth, and yet the soul is not filled. (Ecclesiastes 6:7)

3. Wealth will not give me peace of mind. For how can it? Once I am in that vicious cycle, that will feed itself. And my possessions themselves will demand more and more of my time, for me to safeguard them and maintain them. My days, even nights, will be spent thinking how to keep them away from all kinds of risks.

   ¹² Sweet [is] the sleep of the labourer whether he eat little or much; and the sufficiency of the wealthy is not suffering him to sleep.(Ecclesiastes 5:12)

4. I will never be able to take all of the things that I worked for. I think this is the best reason why I should not store riches, why one should not be a multi-milionaire, even billionaire. To where I am going, I can’t bring any single one of them. To think that I am so attached to them here on earth. To where I am going, there is no use of them. And I have to give them up wether I like it or not. So why should I store and accumulate them?

   ¹⁵ As he came out from the belly of his mother, naked he turneth back to go as he came, and he taketh not away anything of his labour, that doth go in his hand. ¹⁶ And this also [is] a painful evil, just as he came, so he goeth, and what advantage [is] to him who laboureth for wind? ¹⁷ Also all his days in darkness he consumeth, and sadness, and wrath, and sickness abound. (Ecclesiastes 5:15-17)

5. All the works that I will do I will leave it to someone else who I don’t know if he will care for it the same way that I do or use it for the same reason I do. Another reason why I do not have to leave behind excessive amount of wealth.

   ¹⁷ And I have hated life, for sad to me [is] the work that hath been done under the sun, for the whole [is] vanity and vexation of spirit. ¹⁸ And I have hated all my labour that I labour at under the sun, because I leave it to a man who is after me. ¹⁹ And who knoweth whether he is wise or foolish? yet he doth rule over all my labour that I have laboured at, and that I have done wisely under the sun! this also [is] vanity. ²⁰ And I turned round to cause my heart to despair concerning all the labour that I laboured at under the sun. (Ecclesiastes 2:17-20)

But he did said that labor and wealth have a positive side:

1. My riches will make my happy if I provide for other people’s needs. The author encourages doing charity during my lifetime, when I can derive happiness seeing other people who were unlucky in this life improve their lot and being a lot less unhappy and in pain. Giving riches should be done while I am alive, not when I am dead. This also means to me that I should give up my wealth as inheritance even before I die, leaving only that amount that I will be needing until the moment of my death.

   ¹¹ In the multiplying of good have its consumers been multiplied, and what benefit [is] to its possessor except the sight of his eyes? ¹² Sweet [is] the sleep of the labourer whether he eat little or much; and the sufficiency of the wealthy is not suffering him to sleep.(Ecclesiastes 5:10-12)

2. Labor maintains whatever possession I have. This is positive only in the sense that my possessions does not drive me to spend all my day maintaining them. And the very possession that I consider basic to my existence are the ones that I can spend my labors and give me satisfaction.

   ¹⁸ By slothfulness is the wall brought low, And by idleness of the hands doth the house drop. (Ecclesiastes 10:18)

From all of the above, I think life and labor is not all vain. Life will be in vain if we spend most of it in vain labor. And vain labor is labor we do beyond our basic needs. If we can limit our labours and spend the rest of our lives on other activities that are constructive and expression of ourselves, then perhaps our lives will not be in vain. I hope to direct my life in that direction and spending my life looking for that way. Taking on board all that he said, I have to do the following:

1. Make sure that I am doing my work not because I want to outdo my neighbour in terms of wealth or achievement or I am not doing work primarily for their sakes, but because for my own satisfaction, goals and happiness.
2. I should be satisfied with a certain level of wealth. I must have an idea of what level of wealth is enough for me, enough for me to meet my basic needs and enough for me spend on what I am passionate about.
3. Wealth and possessions should not rule my mind. My mind should not be pre-occupied with how to maintain and safeguard my possessions, or even how to make it grow even bigger. I must be able to identify that point in time when I begin to spend more and more time looking after them than deriving happiness from them. As a matter of fact, the best riches are those that I can forget (are self-maintaining) and draw whenever I need them.
4. I should not accumulate wealth too much until I die but rather just enough for my consumption, other activities and other charity work. Or I can earn a lot but a lot should be spent as well for my happiness and other people’s happiness. I should not accumulate excessive wealth.
5. If I want to give a portion of my riches as inheritance, I must give them away long before I die, so that I can direct the person I’ve given them to in the way that I like them to use them. My riches will be given with attached conditions, but those conditions of course should not just be for my own selfish needs but primarily for the other person’s own good.

Apart from that, the book has some good advice on how to go about living and laboring/working:

1. When I die, I will be unable to do what I like to do. I have to find happiness while I am alive by doing the things that I like. And to give my everything to whatever I decide to do. This seems to advice me that I don’t just do things the best I can, but I must do the things that I am passionate about.

   ⁵ For the living know that they die, and the dead know not anything, and there is no more to them a reward, for their remembrance hath been forgotten. ⁶ Their love also, their hatred also, their envy also, hath already perished, and they have no more a portion to the age in all that hath been done under the sun…. ¹⁰ All that thy hand findeth to do, with thy power do, for there is no work, and device, and knowledge, and wisdom in Sheol whither thou art going. (Ecclesiastes 9:5-6,10)

2. I must do them regardless of whether the future looks promising or not, and instead I must concern myself with what I will reap in the future. I must take all the chance to do work, for I never know which ones will be successful and I have to prioritize doing the most important first, for I do not know when I shall die. And do them without delay.

   ⁴ Whoso is observing the wind soweth not, And whoso is looking on the thick clouds reapeth not…. ⁶ In the morning sow thy seed, And at even withdraw not thy hand, For thou knowest not which is right, this or that, Or whether both of them alike are good. (Ecclesiastes 11:4,6)

   ⁶ For to every delight there is a time and a judgment, for the misfortune of man is great upon him. ⁷ For he knoweth not that which shall be, for when it shall be who declareth to him? ⁸ There is no man ruling over the spirit to restrain the spirit, and there is no authority over the day of death, and there is no discharge in battle, and wickedness delivereth not its possessors. (Ecclesiastes 8:6-8)

   ¹¹ I have turned so as to see under the sun, that not to the swift [is] the race, nor to the mighty the battle, nor even to the wise bread, nor even to the intelligent wealth, nor even to the skilful grace, for time and chance happen with them all. ¹² For even man knoweth not his time; as fish that are taken hold of by an evil net, and as birds that are taken hold of by a snare, like these [are] the sons of man snared at an evil time, when it falleth upon them suddenly. (Ecclesiastes 9:11-12)

3. I should avoid obtaining possessions if it would involve more vexation. I should be contented with a lot less possessions.

   ⁶`Better [is] a handful [with] quietness, than two handfuls [with] labour and vexation of spirit.’ (Ecclesiastes 5:6)

All in all, the author’s advice to me is that I have to take advantage of every moment of my life, for death is extinction, when I will be totally annihilated. No work, no thoughts, no passions, no emotios, no contacts with the realm of the living and no influence on the living. This life I am living now is the only time in my life that I can ever feel happy, contented, serene and accomplished. The pain, sorrows, and loneliness that occupy a bigger portion of my life should be there only to make the enjoyment of my accomplishments and passions even more sweet. Make the most of it but not by way of accumulating wealth. This reminds me of Jesus’ sayings below:

¹⁹`Treasure not up to yourselves treasures on the earth, where moth and rust disfigure, and where thieves break through and steal, <sup>20</sup> but treasure up to yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth disfigure, and where thieves do not break through nor steal, <sup>21</sup> for where your treasure is, there will be also your heart. <sup>22</sup>`The lamp of the body is the eye, if, therefore, thine eye may be perfect, all thy body shall be enlightened, ²³ but if thine eye may be evil, all thy body shall be dark; if, therefore, the light that [is] in thee is darkness — the darkness, how great! ²⁴ `None is able to serve two lords, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will hold to the one, and despise the other; ye are not able to serve God and Mammon. <sup>25</sup> `Because of this I say to you, be not anxious for your life, what ye may eat, and what ye may drink, nor for your body, what ye may put on. Is not the life more than the nourishment, and the body than the clothing? ²⁶ look to the fowls of the heaven, for they do not sow, nor reap, nor gather into storehouses, and your heavenly Father doth nourish them; are not ye much better than they? ²⁷ `And who of you, being anxious, is able to add to his age one cubit? <sup>28</sup> and about clothing why are ye anxious? consider well the lilies of the field; how do they grow? they do not labour, nor do they spin; <sup>29</sup> and I say to you, that not even Solomon in all his glory was arrayed as one of these. <sup>30</sup> `And if the herb of the field, that to-day is, and to-morrow is cast to the furnace, God doth so clothe — not much more you, O ye of little faith? ³¹ therefore ye may not be anxious, saying, What may we eat? or, What may we drink? or, What may we put round? ³² for all these do the nations seek for, for your heavenly Father doth know that ye have need of all these; ³³ but seek ye first the reign of God and His righteousness, and all these shall be added to you. ³⁴ Be not therefore anxious for the morrow, for the morrow shall be anxious for its own things; sufficient for the day [is] the evil of it. (Matthew 6:19-33)

I think I am a little bit wiser now after spending a little time knowing about the life of the author of Ecclesiastes, feeling a bit better now about living, and just have to know what my other passions are outside of work. But I can never be at peace with my death.

Practical Applications

1. I do not need to buy brand new car, my needs can be satisfied with second hand cars.
2. I do not need to have a house in posh addresses.
3. I do not need to buy every new electronic gadget, I just choose which ones assist me in my passions.
4. I do not need to buy branded clothes or luxury items. Mass-produced goods can also serve me well.
5. If I earn a lot, once I have set aside a certain portion for my future, I can use the rest for my other passions: travels (meeting a lot of interesting people, learning new skills, immersing in different cultures), charity ,work volunteering, advocacy, creative writing, etc.
6. I don’t need to set aside a huge amount for my retirement.
7. I must organize my time now for my other passions, not after my retirement.
8. I must live my life the way I want it, be me, rather than be afraid of other people and living a life that will not trigger physical, mental, emotional or reputational harm on me. I must express myself as I am. That is what life is for, to express myself.

A Side Note
It is quite interesting that the Bible agrees with aparigraha, or non-possession, of Zen Buddhism, although the Bible does not outright teaches renouncing of all wealth, or does it?